okay, so i admit, i’ve developed a taste for reviving old blog entries from a failed past blog of mine. i’m not ashamed. i wrote some brilliant things, and as i see it fit, i shall bring old musings back, pretending they’re new. i’m not all that concerned with being caught, on account of the fact that i had a whopping 5 readers for my last blog. furthermore, i’m under the firm belief that maggie (are you fucking happy now, bitch?) is still my only regular reader, so reviving these old pieces…not such a bad thing. like nbc said, if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you. that being said, i have a message for our twisted neighbors, north of the border.

i think about bacon all the time. i don’t consider it a problem. i consider it a way of life. truly. as i waste away the hours of any given day, i think about bacon a lot. seriously. a lot. and i discuss my thoughts on bacon with others. because that’s what i do.

but one fateful day, some jerk brought up a “new” bacon type. one that i hardly focus on, because, well, it’s pointless and needs no focusing. ever. i know what you’re thinking: but josh! what is this new bacon type that you’ve been pondering?!?

canadian bacon.

listen up, canada. this is not bacon. this is ham. okay? stop trying to pass this crap off as a variation of the most perfect food ever. it’s not working, and i won’t have it. you can not wrap this around an almond-stuffed date. you can not wrap this around scallops. sure, you can serve this with some fried eggs and home fries, but only if you’re ready to face a round of disappointed sighs. (yeah, that’s right. when you promise bacon perfection, and deliver lackluster ham, you get judged. hardcore. it’s to be expected.)

just call it ham. i’ll even accept canadian ham, on account of its small size.

you can keep the canadian. but i’m taking the bacon.

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